Ultimate 5k 1.2

So this is the start of my first full week of training. I'm really excited about the benefit that starting my life as a runner will give me, but with every new thing there's a bit of trepidation. I'm really afraid that in a couple weeks I'll start loathing my workouts and won't want to get up. So right now I'm just trying to start making the habit of getting up every morning at 5am even on the days that I don't have a run scheduled. The program I'm doing right now has me doing three runs a week, with a break in between each one increasing in length and interval.

I'm super excited about the possibility of accomplishing something that I would have never, in a million years, thought I would've been able to; run a 5k. Forever I was 'the fat kid, and then the fat guy'. It's an identity that I took on and believed I would be for the rest of my life. I just believed that I would always be the fat guy who would just make jokes about my weight and try to make everyone else around me laugh and be light-hearted. What I came to realize in the past couple years is that I didn't like the person I was, I always wanted to be something or someone different. Much of the angst, bitterness, and negativity I've exhibited in my life to the people I rub elbows with was the inner-conflict within myself over who I am and who I wanted to be. But for the longest time I just blamed others for me not making the conscious decision to making a change.

April was my tipping point. For as long as we've been together Sarah and I have been telling one another "we need to be healthier" and done little things here or there but never really made a serious commitment or change in our lives. But, now we have and I really feel like I have this new found motivation, and it's lasted longer than I thought it would ever have. So I really feel like I can do this. I know I sound like a broken record in constantly saying "I really feel like I can do or accomplish this", but I keep saying it because I feel something different within me than I ever have before and thats the difference.

I'll close with this: we were at Valley Creek Church in FloMo this week, and the pastor there was speaking on Christ's restoration of Peter after his rejection of Christ and he made the point that in life sometimes God has to bring up our failures, even if it may mean us getting hurt in the now, to heal us for the future. That's where I feel with my life right now, I've been trying to hide a bunch of things about me and in my life, hoping that others wont know or see them. All that's done is caused me to be a bitter, negative person. So now making my hurts open to God and exploring my path to allowing God to heal me.

Honesty and Openness

Drew